Buy the ticket, take the ride
Or, a little less conversation, a little more action please
There’s a lot to be said for a lot being said.
There shouldn’t be much to say about just doing it.
And yet, every week as a coach, and most weeks as a friend, and in a couple of episodes of the podcast now, my guests and I have alternately been and come across and encouraged and let go of people who talk and talk and talk but never actually do the thing[s].
In this week’s newsletter, I want to help you turn all that hot air into a spark. And if you’re in a moment where someone you care about needs some impetus – whether a gentle nudge or a kick up the arris – feel free to send them this.
You can even say: “god, Jack’s such a dick isn’t he, I can’t believe he’d talk like this about people who don’t commit…”
“Book the damn race!”
Rhys was a self-confessed naughty kid who, in one year, racked up 98 detentions and a couple of suspensions for doing naughty things. It’s a cliché for naughty boys who don’t grow up that they’ll end up dead or in jail, but when Rhys told me that’s how he felt, I believed him – after all, I knew at 30 I’d be dead or bald, and I’m typing this to you now so…
While I may not have the ultramarathon athlete kind of energy that Rhys has [yet! growth mindset!], I recognise in him the discomfort I often feel sitting still. One way that he handles it, something that I’ve learned to do – particularly in my 30s and definitely as a coach who preaches what he’s practiced – is to swap over-thinking for movement, and to book, train for and then do things that scare me.
In episode #20 of the podcast out later this week – see the bottom of the newsletter to find it on the platform of your choice – it cracked me up how frustrated Rhys clearly is with the people in his life who say things like: “I wish I could do what you do” or “I could never do what you do”.
To Rhys’ mind, and to future guest Peds’ (whom I caught up with in Mexico City this week) and obviously mine, we’re inclined to think that the thing that makes someone the kind of person who does a thing is actually doing the thing.
“Book the damn race!” “Book the damn ticket!” “Book the damn test!”
If you really want to do something, whether that’s run a distance, take a trip, or improve your skills or earning prospects, give yourself something concrete to aim for and then work backwards from there:
If it’s a 10K on the 1st December, okay, cool.
That’s 40 days away. Let’s call it five weeks with days baked in to account for rest and injuries. Have you run before? No? that’s alright, our aim like everyone is to get you to the start line and over it. Let’s build you up so if nothing else, you know you can walk or roll to the finish! Are you currently running? Great, maybe we can look at a few sessions a week each with a specific aim just to sharpen up what you’ve got.
If it’s a trip to a country you’ve never been to before, sweet.
Do you have a passport? Is it in date? Can you take the time off work? If not, can you quit your job? [I’m only half-joking here!], can you easily access the airport? Can you take a ferry or train? if the answers here are “nos”, do what you need to do to turn them into “yesses”.
Can you afford it – like, actually, is this something within your means that won’t have a negative impact on the lives of others or your ability to pay your bills? If no, and you really want it, then you’re going to have to save for it. From here, you should be set to book the ticket. Then you get the smaller ducks in a row: insurance, underwear, bag, suncream, bug spray, diarolyte [just me?].
If it’s your car license, or a professional exam or,
maybe, for some of you, it’s a set-in-stone end-of-term thing, class! Book the thing and consult with whichever professionals or textbooks you’ll need to be prepared for it. The “worst” that can happen is that you fail, and yet, if you learn from that, that of itself is more valuable experience than you might have right now stressing about the thing you’re not even booked in to do.
I failed my driving test twice, the first time because I followed my instructor’s advice to the letter without critically engaging with it, the second because I was far too caffeinated to drive – both I’ve since built on in ways that I couldn’t have without going through the thing in the first place.
Lol, Jack, this is so obvious
If you’re here, and you’ve honestly, hand on heart, ticked off in this life what you’ve wanted to do, then, un/fortunately, this week’s newsletter probably isn’t for you.
If, however, like most people, you do have a goal, an aim, a desire that’s so far unfulfilled and you’ve not made active steps towards it, why is that? What’s stopping you? And here’s something to make you think:
Do you even want it?
I’ve let go of the people in my personal life who talk a big game.
You know them, you might even be one of them.
Talking about how they would work this job or buy this house or go on this holiday or look like this or do things differently, and never actually doing anything to change the situation. Another week passes and they’re still unfulfilled, bitter, scared.
I know this person because I was this person.
Heck, this year I was this person – I always wanted to go to Mexico for the food, for the culture, and particularly for day of the dead, and yet, I didn’t actually book the trip until August.
It was when my best mate asked if I wanted to go on a trip with her to Slovenia in October and I replied “I appreciate the shout but Mexico is the one I really want and I would like to save for that”, that I checked myself: I can pay the bills, I’ve got a help to buy ISA for a house I’ll never buy and I’m my own boss so I can make the time (and one of my oldest mates is getting married in California in November) – like, Mann, what are you doing? Book the damn ticket!
If I’ve coached you, I know you’re capable of taking a chance, of putting yourself out there. And you know you can lean into me for support at that crucial moment.
If you’re reading this newsletter, I imagine there’s a part of you that’s curious, that wants to know more or feels that you can be more – and I imagine you’re capable too.
But if it really does all feel too much, maybe you’re not capable of going it alone right now. Maybe you need to tell someone – a partner or friend, a parent or child – what’s bothering you. And if that’s too close to home, maybe you need a mentor for your profession, a travel agent for your trip, or, dare I say it, a coach for your lifestyle.
It must be nice for you
You don’t know what it’s like to be me. To struggle with x, y or z. I actually have all the answers and they tell me everyday that I’m not that person. I never could be, so why even bother?
Look, if you’re living with thoughts like these, you’re right, I might never know what it’s like to be you. And I might not be the person to help. But if you’ve made it this far, I either have helped you, you’re interested in what I’m saying, you trust me or even like me or you [want to] believe that things are different.
Before I left for this trip, I caught up with Maddie, a Sheffield-based life coach on her podcast, Define, and she pushed me for the moment when everything changed – and, for me, it was when I couldn’t contemplate living anymore and could only weep to express myself.
I might not have the answers you’re looking for but I can assure you, if you want things to change or you want to be different, you’re not alone.
Podcast
Forget six packs as a measure of wellness, over this way, the Fitness & Thinking podcast centres on six pillars and you can now catch us audio-only on Apple Podcasts on Wednesday evenings and in surround-sound technicolour on Spotify or YouTube on Thursday mornings.
And that’s it from me! This is your last call to send in any questions or comments you might have for the 21st, milestone, episode!
As ever, I appreciate yas, alternately for reading, listening, tolerating and supporting me. You’re the best.
Now, go do the thing, yeah?
J x
Anything that surfaces the— "do you even want it?—question is critical. We can waste years pursuing something we don't want, or, arguably worse, berating ourselves for not getting after something we don't want anyway!
The etymology of 'decide' - to cut away - applies here. Sometimes what needs cutting is the goal itself.